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vampirekat's Journal

3 August
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  • vampirekat@livejournal.com
The vampirekat is a mutant, hybrid creature; part cat part vampire and on top of it all, unfortunate enough to have been born into a female body -- a fact she bitterly resents to this very day.
To make matters even worse, this body of hers is literally plagued with a vast array of diverse maladies, most of which are subsets of an incurable, very chronic and extremely lethal condition known as Hypochondria. But do not fret, my dear reader, for the vampirekat has had enough of these bodily malfunctions and is, as we speak, plotting to sue the hell out of the manufacturers.

As for a character description, let us just say that after years and years of trying to deal with humans and the so-called real world, the vampirekat turned to books and cats, which she undeniably finds much more understanding, comforting and rewarding; not to mention interesting, warm, fuzzy, and full or words. That is to say, she finally decided to fully embrace her one true calling and became a premature crazy cat lady who reads a lot.

During her relentless quest for that annoyingly elusive and shamelessly over-advertised unconditional love the vampirekat was lucky enough to discover a certain social science often referred to as the "study of mankind". Strangely enough, given her very active and vocal dislike of all things human, she was instantly hooked. So, after realizing that she had unwittingly stumbled (quite ungraciously, I may add, for the vampirekat is exceedingly clumsy by nature) upon the real thing, she happily gave up the aforementioned quest.

The vampirekat is able to survive in almost any environment as long as she has the following vital elements within her reach: coffee, Diet Coke and any form of alcohol (which, by the way, she knows to be the three main food groups).

The vampirekat is multilingual (she is also a polyglot, but don't tell anyone) and has the absolutely appalling habit of translating untranslatable sayings form one language into another, thus rendering them completely incomprehensible for all of humanity.

She has never been able to fully grasp the abstractly esoteric concept of "just one drink" and is, also, pretty bad at math. She has a thing for Dachshunds.

The vampirekat suffers from a distinct dill fetish, enjoys hot, strong, sweet Earl Gray tea with milk, purrs at the very sight of salmon and most shellfish, adores red (and, what the hell, also white) wine and is a film freak. She enjoys very cold weather, especially when it makes everyone else miserable, thinks that rain rocks and is constantly threatening to move to Alaska (which happens to entail a real threat only for Alaska and its poor, innocent inhabitants). She owns several feather boas, is known to wear dark blue nail polish and pink lip gloss, and has a wardrobe whose pathological blackness it rivaled only by her (the vampirekat's, that is) very twisted sense of humor. Throughout her life she has had the dubious joy of being able to experiment with a wide variety of happy pills, which are yet to accomplish the task of making her even remotely happy. She likes to travel and is, overall, pretty unstable.

As any other vampirekat, in spite of her unresolved wanderlust, she is constantly homesick for a home she has never had, fully capable of over-analyzing herself into oblivion, unable to deal with dates, relationships or any other interpersonal interaction with anything even remotely human (not that she quits trying though, the vampirekat is one stubborn little critter), utterly unlovable, a bit odd and in a constant battle with her own hair.